Prayer.

I have always been a big believer in prayer. Prayer is why I am where I am, doing what I am doing. Prayer is what helped me escape from the lowest times in my life. It is really nice knowing that even when you feel so desperately alone, you never truly are. Even when you haven't a clue to who you can turn to, or when you feel like no one really understands, there is someone that always does. I am really glad that I believe that, otherwise I fear I would be the most depressed person on the planet.
Tonight I prayed a lot.
The act of praying itself isn't hard for me. Even getting answers to my prayers usually aren't so difficult. It is following those answers that seems to present a challenge.
My latest answer is that I need to have more faith that things will work out the way they should. This answer made me realize something about myself, I haven't a clue what exactly faith is. I have been on a quest the past few weeks to try and discover all I possibly can about faith.
It's compared to a little seed that will grow with some nourishment. This left me even more puzzled. Then I discovered that faith is demonstrated through actions. Well, that's awesome, but still not all that helpful. Faith is believing in things, that are true, and not seen. Awesome, but still not satisfactory for me. However, I finally found a bit about faith that can help me and my situation. Faith is to have confidence in something or someone. This fit and made sense, but then came some other problems.
I have serious issues fully trusting people. I want to believe them, but always in the back of my mind is this thought that they have an ulterior motive. People are shady, and many are up to no good! Letting go completely and trusting that everything will work out no matter what I do seems a daunting task. However, this is something that I want more than I have ever wanted anything before. I know that I'm only given trials and tests that I can handle. I just feel like I lack the strength necessary. Looks like it is back to the drawing board, time for some more prayer.
I apologize for all the religious rant again, but it seems like it's inescapable.