Reality TV

My guilty pleasure is reality television. It's not something I'm proud of, but I cannot help but become enthralled by these strange people who are willing to be so vulnerable in front of the world. I have this problem where I feel like I know these strange people. Their successes feel like mine and I feel crushed, almost devastated, when they fall. Well, maybe my emotions are not quite to the extent of their emotions but you get the point. I have watched every single season of America's Next Top Model and I've had my favorites that I wanted to win every season, but it was not until this season (cycle 10) that I really felt like one girl deserved this more then anyone ever had. The girls of the other seasons always managed to find a way to disappoint me, as people often do. They would lose sight of who they were. They seemed nice, but not very genuine. This season one girl gained my full respect, and that girl is Anya. She never once caused drama or talked about another girl. She actually went out of her way to make sure that everyone was doing okay. On top of all this she was fierce in pictures and runway. There are about fifteen minutes until the winner is revealed, but I cannot help but feel super nervous. May the best model win.

High School

I returned to my high school tonight, for the first time in awhile. As soon as the doors opened the smell of hairspray and sweat hit my nostrils as did a wave of memories. I never really enjoyed high school, but I suppose that is actually a good thing. It seems to me that the people who really love high school are the people who cannot seem to leave it behind. They constantly have to have the reassurance that high school once provided for them and they always have to relive the good old days. I realized tonight that I am not one of those people at all. That is not to say that I won't, once in awhile, reflect on those times. However, I refuse to stay stuck in that time. I hope only to grow and progress and look back on those times to see how far I have come. Tonight will be my last night back there for a long time. Mainly because I will live too far away, but also because I think I've outgrown it all. I'm moving on to face the world, head on with guns blazing.

Blogspot Start

I wish I had something profound or ground breaking to write about. I find that as much as I try to be extraordinary or removed from the norm, I end up being incredibly normal and boring. I'm extremely nervous about the future and I honestly feel unequipped to deal with everything that will come my way. I feel like my entire life I've had nothing but superficial relationships. All throughout high school I just had this thought in the back of my mind that it would all be over soon so I shouldn't get attached to anyone or anything. I felt like I just shouldn't make the effort. I really think this has a lot to do with all the moving I did when I was younger. From that I learned that eventually one person will leave, so in order to make the leaving less painful you shouldn't get involved or attached in anyway. Of course I didn't really realize what I was doing, but I guess part of fixing a problem is admitting and realizing that you have a problem to begin with. I admit that I have a problem letting people in past the superficial level and I'm working really hard to change that. I'm moving to Utah in less then a month and I really hope that I will be able to make some really close friends that will last a lifetime to add to the few friends I have really let in. I really hope that the friends I have really let in, realize who they are because they mean the world to me.