Dreams

Ever since the first time I attended an EFY I have dreamed of becoming a counselor. My dream is coming true the whole month of July!!! I am excited and thrilled beyond words!

Internship

I want to get into book publishing. This means that I have to be the best at what I do. Unfortunately, as of right now I am no where near that. My goal? To work my butt off and become as good as I can possibly become. I'm hoping that by this time next year I will not only be applying to internships, but scoring some as well!

Blogger it is.

For the past few months I have been keeping a Wordpress. I've recently decided that music is a huge part of my life and it should have a spot on my blog. Turns out Wordpress is lame and I cannot figure out a way to post music, so Blogger it is. I've recently posted all of my Wordpress entries, just because I figure it's important to have everything in one place.

End of the Road

It looks like the end of the month is when I will be doing my writing, if at all.
Isn't strange how just one moment can completely change your life? It could be something that seems so insignificant at the time, but it just completely changes the path and direction your life is going. I had one of those moment about a month ago. A moment that literally took my breath away and woke me up. My life will most likely never be the same again. I never foresaw it coming and it blows my mind, in a good way.

Prayer.

I have always been a big believer in prayer. Prayer is why I am where I am, doing what I am doing. Prayer is what helped me escape from the lowest times in my life. It is really nice knowing that even when you feel so desperately alone, you never truly are. Even when you haven't a clue to who you can turn to, or when you feel like no one really understands, there is someone that always does. I am really glad that I believe that, otherwise I fear I would be the most depressed person on the planet.
Tonight I prayed a lot.
The act of praying itself isn't hard for me. Even getting answers to my prayers usually aren't so difficult. It is following those answers that seems to present a challenge.
My latest answer is that I need to have more faith that things will work out the way they should. This answer made me realize something about myself, I haven't a clue what exactly faith is. I have been on a quest the past few weeks to try and discover all I possibly can about faith.
It's compared to a little seed that will grow with some nourishment. This left me even more puzzled. Then I discovered that faith is demonstrated through actions. Well, that's awesome, but still not all that helpful. Faith is believing in things, that are true, and not seen. Awesome, but still not satisfactory for me. However, I finally found a bit about faith that can help me and my situation. Faith is to have confidence in something or someone. This fit and made sense, but then came some other problems.
I have serious issues fully trusting people. I want to believe them, but always in the back of my mind is this thought that they have an ulterior motive. People are shady, and many are up to no good! Letting go completely and trusting that everything will work out no matter what I do seems a daunting task. However, this is something that I want more than I have ever wanted anything before. I know that I'm only given trials and tests that I can handle. I just feel like I lack the strength necessary. Looks like it is back to the drawing board, time for some more prayer.
I apologize for all the religious rant again, but it seems like it's inescapable.

Blogspot or Wordpress?

Fun fact: I have both a Blogspot and a Wordpress. I'm not entirely sure which I prefer. I figure it doesn't particularly matter anyway.
I've learned a lot this month, probably more than I ever thought I would.
The first thing I have learned, is dating in Utah is a completely different from dating in Pennsylvania. Without giving away too much, never assume you're going anywhere relationship wise in Utah. I'm just saying. I've decided that while I do care quite a bit, I'm just going to go with the flow. Mainly because that is just how I am. Confrontation scares me more than ever. It's probably a good thing I decided to put law up on the shelf. Whatever is going to happen will happen. If someone wants to be with me I am now, officially, making it their job to let me know. Until then I am doing what I want to do and I refuse to worry about anything dealing with relationships. Period.
Another thing I've learned/been reminded is how fragile life is. I almost lost a good friend this week. One minute your life may be one way, but just one decision can make it go down a completely different direction. It's so crazy to me to see how your choices can impact others' lives in huge ways.

Love in Spite of Habits?

Dear Obscure Little Person,
I wanted to prove that not everything I write about will be religion based. Plus, now that I've started I just can't stop!
I have some very strange habits and quirks. Every time I do them I can't help but wonder if there is someone out there that really will love me in spite of my quirks and the very bizarre things I do. There is no way around it, I really am an oddball.
These past few months I have discovered some habits that I didn't even really know that I had. Let me share a few with you.
Habit numero uno:
To clear my head or to avoid things, I clean. I know this isn't strange, but the thing is I get so involved in my cleaning. I end up organizing everything little thing around me and often times I sing at the top of my lungs while doing it. How could someone possibly find that appealing? Sure things are clean, but you will most likely have a massive headache.
Habit numero dos:
I do my best thinking whilst sitting sideways in the bathtub while eating pudding. Perhaps, that's because the bathroom is the one place that people tend to leave you alone in? However, I also like to ask for advice. Who really wants to spend their night sitting outside the bathroom door yelling in advice?
Habit numero tres:
I wash my face every morning and night, but not in the way you might think. For some reason the standard standing at the sink and splashing water on your face method does not work for me. I have to actually get completely undressed and stand face towards nozzle in order for me to feel like I'm really cleaning. If I do not do it in this fashion morning and night I feel extremely dirty. I guess for me it's just symbolic. I wash everything completely away at night, all my worries, fears, and frustrations of the day thereby cleaning my slate.
Habit numero quatro:
I look for symbolism and hidden meanings in just about everything. Analyzing things is what I do, but I'm very seldom vocal about it. If I confide in you that stuff it's a big deal. As a result of all of this I tend to make myself paranoid, and worried. Two traits that are not so good.
I have many, many more quirks of top of these. Again I wonder it it really possible for someone to get past quirks and habits in order to love someone? Or am I destined to be like my great aunt, alone?
I sincerely hope for the first, but I worry it may just be the last.